Get a chicken. You could buy one. Or you could steal one, but if you're gonna steal one, steal a live one, at least make some sport out of it.
cut up the chicken, or have your butchers cut it for you. (hmmm...perhaps picture tutorials of how to cut up meat would be a good post...).
Season with salt and peps, some thyme and sear on all sides in a dutch oven coated with olive oil. Remove previously mentioned seared chicken and place on plate. Add root veg to pan (chunked up onion, carrot, celery, WHOLE garlic cloves)---these are the must haves, and you can also add potatoes,mushrooms, turnips, rutabaga, quartered tomatoes, etc., if you would like. Season veg with salt and pepper and then add a couple splashes of vermouth, or wine, or beer (preferably ale) and then chicken broth/stock until it reaches about 3/4 way to the top of the veg. Place chicken pieces back on top and cover. Chuck into the oven at 350 for about 1.5 hours and wait. Now is a good time to drink the rest of your ale.